Wandering The Streets of my MiNd

Sally, you little slutface

I've been really nostalgic lately. My itunes is on shuffle and guess what song came on that i didnt know i had. Remember that song, Closing Time, by Semisonic. Yeh I know.

So i took my external hard drive from home when i was in Kansas and now I got to put all my old ass pictures on my laptop and all my music, which now consists of almost 5,000 songs, Damn, i didnt i had that many.

I've been thinking about summer so much lately, especially Summer's in Kansas, it always makes me antsy and really sad, because summer will never be the same, i mean i knew that everytime i came home for summer, but it was always grew to be more and more different, because more and more people werent there. Last summer was my first summer not in Kansas, I had to spend it in Savannah to finish up one more class, which i dont regret, it was a great summer full of drinking, pizza, and the beach. 

My summer's in Kansas were always so amazing. It was always spent with Jennifer, Blake, Tonia, Shannon, Luis, Tron, Zach, Andrew, Abby, Denise, Jana, Jess, etc ( All the old Treehouse/House of Pain) kids. Those were the days. Where all we would do is sit on the front porch drinking cold beers (mostly PBR and Red Stripes) lounging around and thinking up crazy party ideas, going skinny dipping at Lone Star Lake, laying in the hammock while Blake played guitar, water balloon fights, tripping on drugs, and many house parties.  The days when we all didnt take life to seriously, didnt really think about the future or careers, just working at stupid part time jobs and going to KU.  I miss it. 

The warm breezes, the smell, even the taste of summer sweat.

Ah, swimming!

But as we all grew older, we had to start taking things more seriously, start thinking about what we are going to do with our lives. 

I left to Savannah (but visited every summer for 3 years) Shannon left, Blake left, Jess left. All my friends were leaving or growing apart. 

Is that how life goes?

I really dont like feeling this way. I am trying to live in the present, here in New York. Its just so hard. Growing up and living new lives. I think life is more different than its ever been ever before.  This summer will be completely different.  More people wont be there.  Jenna will be in Chicago, Tonia is moving to New York (she's my NEW ROOMIE!) which is so exciting. Im blessed because I am going to be living with both....

my Kansas (Tonia) and my Savannah (Melissa)

that makes me happy.

I will definitely be back in Kansas though this summer, even if not everyone will be there, there are still some special people left there that i adore. 

Ilenia will you be there this summer??

I'm so confused about all these feelings im having inside....about Bob...and WHY did I meet him? was it fate that we both met on a random island in South Korea and then met again at the Replay in Kansas??? and we both connected that? 

I DON'T KNOW!?

If i never went to Korea to visit Blake I would have never met him, or would I??? because he moved back in October, and I was already living in Kansas? I probably would have seen him around a lot, like the Taproom and Replay, where he always hangs out, and then what? I would have been like, "ooo look at that hot guy" and made a fool of myself?

who knows...i cant think too hard about it. 

I dont like long distance, I dont think I am strong enough for it. I really want this to work more than anything.....oh gosh...FUCK. why do things have to be so fucking complicating?

Oh im missing Sex in the City, its on right now. shit, im going to check if its a good episode to watch....

it was a good one. Man, im a geek but i LOVE that show, the movie comes out May 30th! so excited. Shut up Ilenia.

anyways i just got a sweet text from Bob, thats somewhat reassuring, but not so helpful.

i think im at the point in my life where I dont really want to fuck around (even literally) with guys anymore. I would like to try another serious relationship. I think im ready. my head is somewhat there and my heart and mind feels alot more grounded than ever. All i really want to figure out is my career and stabilize that.

I know this is a really long blog, but ilenia your quiz (which i read the whole thing) was damn long. 

I went out once this weekend. i met up with a old friend from Savannah who was here this weekend, Trish. we went to her brother's bar called SIP, thats really close to my apt. and then this place where they had 50 cent BEERS!! 9-11pm. we have to go! it was fucking awesome, i drank so much beer i felt like 500lbs. we met up with more people and then went to Greenwich Village for $2.00 well drink specials 11-12am. we just hopped around everywhere. i got pretty drunky and i walked home in the nice little flurries. 

That was Friday night, Saturday I sat in my apt all day completely and utterely stoned to the max, i left once to get a sandwich from the cute foreign guys at the Corner store. 

This week I have 3 interviews, 2 for sales associate jobs, and 1 for a Summer Internship for a fashion showroom. then i work 3 times, and im supposed to go to this concert with Sarah, and then Allison Mitchell (yeh Sally and Jenna) is in the city, so hopefully i see her. ooo and i actually went running today, it was a bootyful day today! 

well i love you all and miss you bunches and crunches

Jenna i know you're stressed, just take it one day at a time, it will all work out, trust me and call me if you need to bitch and/or vent.